Positive reinforcement, reading important for child's development

Q.

OK, I get the spanking thing. What can you tell me about positive things I can do for my child's development?

A.

There are acres of forests that have fallen while discussing this topic. I'm going to try to highlight just four things that I think are important.

First, I would like to extend a personal note. After 25 years of general pediatrics, I am now devoting myself full time to developmental and behavioral pediatrics. I just attended a meeting on this subject and am fired up. That being said, I will continue to write this column on general pediatrics as well.

There are so many magazines and articles devoted to parenting, it's a wonder our own parents did well without all that information. But there are some simple things I think all parents should consider. I'm talking mostly about the preschool-age kid here, but a lot of these principles will work on older kids, or even spouses.

Positive reinforcement. There is a general feeling that positive reinforcement should far exceed negative reinforcement, and that this helps have a smart, well-behaved, and, most important, happy child. The ratio often given is 5 to 1 - i.e., five positive encounters for every negative one. This seems like a lot of work, but if you start early enough, it gets to be a habit. Let's face it, sooner or later if your child wants attention, you will give it. If not positive things, it will be timeouts and preventing him or her from turning over the aquarium. Instead, make positive rewards personal things such as hugs, smiles and words of encouragement. Try not to use food, except every once in a while.

Use the time-in. This is a relatively new term for demonstrating positive reinforcement. We often tend to think of kids as little adults, and in that way we tend to use a lot of language and less visual stuff or touch. So when your child is behaving well, catch him being good. The time-in should be brief and involve contact, if possible. An example: If you take your child to the grocery store and he sits quietly in that funny seat on the cart, you could just touch him on the shoulder or smile with good eye contact. We all feel like saying something, so go ahead. "You are being very good today," or something like this. Tone of voice is more important than the words themselves.

Think of the time-in as immunization against later acting out and negative behavior. I realize that all children are different, and some need more contact than others. The time-in will work better for some kids than others.

Read to your child. As a form of time-in, I can't stress this principle strongly enough. Reading to your children when they are young is more important than soccer practice, what school they might attend or the educational software you might buy. It is more important than visiting historical sites. It is more important than giving vitamins. It is low-tech and easy. Grandparents and older kids love to participate as well.

Get the TV out of the bedroom. Forty percent of preschoolers and 66 percent of teenagers have televisions in their bedroom, so I realize that many of you think this is a good idea. Of course, the controversy about excessive TV watching in kids rages on. Suffice it to say, most of us feel that kids watch too much TV and often the wrong kinds of programs. I am not going to step deep into that debate here, but TVs in bedrooms have been linked to both poor sleep and poor school behavior. I do believe that good sleep hygiene is one of those truly neglected areas.

I would love to hear what readers have to say about TV. It is the most dramatic change, I think, in children's environment as compared with our grandparents. What are your rules about TV? Are we over- or under-concerned about its effects?

A bit of trivia. In the United States, more babies are born in August than any other month. This goes to show that cranberry sauce is either an aphrodisiac or a fertility drug, or both. This is good for that Wisconsin industry.

(8/13/06)

Dr. Norton's column appears on the second Monday of each month in the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel and is reposted here. Contact Dr. Norton by phone at (414) 228-4800 or via e-mail.

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