Q.
What can I do, on the spot, to help my child with her anxiety?
A.
This is, of course, what we all want. We tend to think of anxiety as a problem in adults, but worry is everywhere.
The social life and entanglements of school-age kids can be considerable, with pressures from school, family and peers. But this is life.
We can't escape difficulties; even the most perfect life has some. What we often experience is our reaction, or even overreaction, to common stresses. Kids are not immune to this.
Paying attention to your breath is called conscious breathing. It is cheap, easy and always available. Many studies have shown how simple breathing causes relaxation and ease and gives people clarity in thought.
The very young seem to do perfect breathing. Watch a baby on a changing table. His belly goes up and down effortlessly. Those of you who do voice, acting or wind instruments will recognize the pattern called diaphragmatic breathing. Your belly going up (or out, if you are standing or sitting) doesn't do the work. The diaphragm, a tough band of muscles between the chest and ribcage, does. The abdomen is just being pushed out of the way.
When we are relaxed, this is the way most people breathe. One of the goals of relaxation is to slow and deepen our breathing. This occurs by just paying attention to it and not making any effort to change it.
I practice developmental and behavioral pediatrics, so I teach this to a lot of children. What follows is my handout on breathing. But you don't have to be a kid to reap benefit from this practice.
Conscious breathing
One of the best ways to deal with any discomfort, whether physical or emotional, is to pay attention to breathing. The breath, itself, is calming. Improper breathing, alone, can cause anxiety.
Normally, when we are healthy and balanced, we breathe from the belly. When we don't do this, we cause anxiety, a sort of biochemical consequence. Our bodies often secrete adrenaline and other hormones of stress. This usually makes discomfort, whether physical or emotional, worse.
We can all relearn or reconnect with our breathing. Simply lie on your back, notice how, when you breathe in, your belly expands, it blows up like a balloon, when you breathe out, it falls back to your spine.
If this does not happen naturally, you may need some coaching, but everyone has experienced conscious belly breathing.
A good way to experience this is to use a small stuffed animal. It should be an aquatic one, like a whale, a fish, a turtle, a dolphin, etc. Call this helper your "breathing buddy." Give him or her a name. Watch your buddy go up and down on your belly, like riding the waves in Lake Michigan.
There are many ways to practice:
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Lying down, especially if you have trouble going to sleep, is very useful.
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Sitting comfortably in a chair or on a floor.
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Walking, coordinating steps with your breathing.
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Sometimes, to keep your mind occupied, you may count breaths or use a phrase.
When you are distressed, connecting with your breath will calm you and make pain ease. If you have your breathing buddy with you, he can help even if you don't put him on your belly. Breathing becomes your friend during difficult situations. It is, however, difficult to depend on your breathing if you only try to use it when you are distressed. You should practice when you are calm.
Conscious breathing can also help you control random and runaway thoughts.
There are many ways to increase awareness of breathing, as well as awareness of body sensations and thought. If you are interested, discuss this with me or someone else trained in mindfulness practices.
(8/10/08)
Dr. Norton's column appears on the second Monday of each month in the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel and is reposted here. Contact Dr. Norton by phone at (414) 228-4800 or via e-mail.
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